someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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