I think I died a long time ago.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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