jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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