When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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