Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
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It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
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I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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