I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
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can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
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Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
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