I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your dick twin last night
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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