So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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