yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize