I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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