You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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