I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
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you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
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I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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