Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize