32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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