i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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