i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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