Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
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Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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