Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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