I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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