i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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