we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize