need another drink. this is the easiest way
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
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"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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