if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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