I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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