I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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