I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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