Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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