And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
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I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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