Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize