Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(216): View more from Ohio

He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.

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(216): He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract. http://tfl.nu/wrx8

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(419): View more from Ohio

your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy

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(419): your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy http://tfl.nu/gzdd

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(410): View more from Maryland

Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!

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(410): Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!! http://tfl.nu/gjd6

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.

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(604): I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/rlh2

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(410): View more from Maryland

She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.

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(410): She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY. http://tfl.nu/v8u7

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(970): View more from Colorado

Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...

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(970): Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it... http://tfl.nu/w07g

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat

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(978): Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat http://tfl.nu/fgz1

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?

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(605): Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying? http://tfl.nu/tphe

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(425): View more from Washington

One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.

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(425): One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake. http://tfl.nu/mhbs

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(303): View more from Colorado

I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.

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(303): I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win. http://tfl.nu/uk9u

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.

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(+44): I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina. http://tfl.nu/fp84

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You okay?

(1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread

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(412): You okay? (1-412): I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread http://tfl.nu/1951

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(850): View more from Florida

Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.

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(850): Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids. http://tfl.nu/dauy

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x

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(+44): No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x http://tfl.nu/ydw7

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(417): View more from Missouri

Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."

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(417): Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS." http://tfl.nu/riik

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