There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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