no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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