You don't have asthma, your pregnant
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize