is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize