I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
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Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
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Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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