drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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