Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
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And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
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I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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