He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
honey bunches of taint.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
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I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
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Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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