if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i love accidental penises.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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