it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
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You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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