I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
time to smoke my breakfast
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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