There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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