New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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