I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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