so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
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It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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