i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize