I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize