I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
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I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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