I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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