Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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